My dog is a chupacabra

What is a Chupacabra? It is disgusting. It sucks blood at night. I have one. Mine is only  5 lbs, and she is scared of everything. She has no hair, and dark brown wrinkly skin. It's either super dry and scratchy, or pimply and bumpy. She has only a patch of hair on her head that looks poorly bleached like someone tried to go from black to blond out of a Walgreens box. Sometimes, she even grows like wiry ear hairs on her back. She even has this special little swatch of hair that grows on her ass. I have to shave it so as not to have to explain it. Don't even get e started on her breath. It smells like a baby dinosaur. She has bad teeth because of her hairless genes. From time to time, she poops outside. Usually in our RV on the utility floor. Training a chupacabra is not easy. Why on earth would I want this thing? I could describe my affinity for her, but I would like to provide visual evidence instead. Please remember... I only dress this thing up beacause it gets cold, and it is funny to watch her buck like a bronco while wearing shoes. Enjoy.