Friday, April 22, 2011

What have I been doing the last few days?!

STRESSING OUT.
If you have ever tried to buy a house, then you understand. I knew this was coming because it has been so easy for us up until now. We relocated our business from Phoenix to Payson AZ, and thought we would live in our RV for half a year or so while we decided if we wanted to make this home base. We like it so well here, that after about  2 months, started looking for some land to buy where we could park our House and start thinking about building on it or sell it in the future. Well, as expensive as property is, we found that it's almost better to just buy a house with some land, because you get more for your money. When we started looking, we immediately found our house. It was way out of our price range, so we contacted the lovely amazing Diane (Mrs.Jack Shit ) who is a dear friend but also happens to be a killer real estate agent. We told her we wanted to make a ridiculously low offer just to see what happens. Of course the bank who owns the house came back at our offer too high. We started looking for other houses in the meantime, but the first one just stuck in our heads. We started to think we had to get this house.
   Two more offers later and lots of worrying, we finally got our magic price. We could not believe it. We decided to take the house, and arranged financing and got an inspection and got the title company going , all within  matter of a week or so. Amazing! We went from no house to the perfect kick ass house within no time at all.
     During our home inspection, we went to the house with Brent our inspector. He spent 5 hours going over the place with a fine toothed comb. He found minor fixes and said we had a good house on our hands. Just before he was finished, he went out front to locate our water meter to add it to the report. No big deal right? All houses have water meters. They HAVE TO HAVE WATER, RIGHT? Wrong. there is no fucking water meter of any kind anywhere on the property. Oh but wait, there is one. In front of the neighbors house. How in the world can there be running water in our house with no water meter and a well that is not turned on? Is it magical water from heaven just for us? I think not. You see the geniuses who previously owned the house owned the house next door as well. They used to run both houses on their well, but at some point hooked both houses to city water. Great! Except they only put in one water meter so both houses have one set of pipes to the city water and one water bill. There is no way to use the well independently since the systems are adjoined. If the city water is on its on. We cannot believe this. WHO DOES THAT?
     To make thing even better, while we were at the house, the neighbor who has just moved into the other house was out on her porch. An older lady, living all alone, and she was fixing her rocking chair on the porch. How sweet. Jon started to walk over to her yard so he could introduce himself. I was inside, but I still heard her scream at him. " The property line in there! Please do not come onto my property!!!" Jon stopped in his tracks and said "Ok. I was just coming over to introduce myself. I'm your neighbor, I just bought this house."
She immediately apologized and explained that there have been a lot of people looking at the house and coming into her yard while doing so. But then she started telling him things like keep your dogs in your own yard, and keep to yourself and I will keep to myself. Kind a a super BITCH. She has no idea how miserable she can be if we don't like her. Can you imagine? Thirty motorcycles starting up in our driveway at once? Slip and slide parties in the back yard? Potato cannons? The possibilities are endless.
      Any way my point is, WE ARE NOT SHARING THE WATER LINES WITH HER. Houses come with water. Unless otherwise advertised. This was not advertised.
     After speaking with Diane yesterday, she told us to go over to the house and get the meter number on the neighbors house, so she could figure this thing out. She is trying to get the bank to re plumb our water before we close so we don't have to do it, and because our new house should come with water. When we arrived, there was a truck there and a lady and a man from the selling real estate company  looking in the well house. When we pulled up the lady says " Hello, can I help you?" Jon tell her he in Jon Barwood, and this is his house. Her face kind of fell and she said "How did you know we were her?" As though we were trying to ambush them. We told her it was a coincidence, and why we were there. We talked about the situation while the guy, Jim, tried to turn on the well to see what was plumbed into where or whatever. Suddenly, a geyser of water starts shooting out of our front yard. Jim says 'aoah, I was just relieving the pressure on the pipes in the well." I'm thinking, um you have no idea what you are doing, do you? Then the Lady Susie who listed this house says " So do you plan to fix this water problem after you close?"
     In a few words Jon basically told her that is is a basic human right to have water at your house, and no he is not buying a house without water. "It has water" She says. Well guess what? Diane got the bank to fix this problem because the idiot who listed this house is an idiot.
     All in all, we are almost done with this process, and hopefully soon we can move into our house, and no more tiny showers or mini dishes or mini fridge or lighting your face on fire when you use the stove. Also we can be LOUD. AND OBNOXIOUS. AND PARK OUR RV IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE SO THE ONLY THING THE NEIGHBOR CAN SEE IS A GIANT FUCKING SKULL every time she looks out of her front window. We have not closed, yet but when we do we will be so happy because all we have to do then is move all of our shit 100 miles! It only gets easier I guess but that is the joy of moving to a new place. If anyone wants to help us welcome the neighbor lady, we would love to hear some ideas.

2 comments:

  1. I would ship a vibrator and batteries to her with a note that says obviously you desperately need a good fuck! So on behalf of your new neighbors, take this gift from us and go fuck yourself!

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  2. .... and oh yeah, I told you guys a while ago, DIANE IS, NO BULLSHIT, A STONE KILLER! I am so relieved that she was able to help you find your dream home and let you both plant some roots together! Congrats and I can't wait to see it!

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